My Fourth Santa Theory: Particular Santa (the best of my current theories)

There are many arguments against Santa being real, so I came up with a few ideas that work out a couple of kinks without being too unrealistic.

So here’s my fourth theory: What if Santa actually paid attention to the rule that if you’re naughty then you don’t get a gift? When I say that this is my “best” theory, I don’t mean that it is my favorite. Instead I mean that this theory fits everything I know about Santa better than any of my other theories and also obeys almost all the laws of physics (unlike almost every other theory), with the one exception being that Santa is immortal. I believe it to be the most elegant and simple of the lot, and it just makes sense to me. As with my third theory, if you received a present from Santa this year then this theory must not true, so you don’t have to continue reading.

Anyhow, what if Santa actually cared whether you messed up? What if the naughty list was actually enforced? No one is perfect, I doubt anyone would disagree with that, so why should we all get presents? We’re all on the naughty list, after all, and even if the list is cleared every Christmas it wouldn’t take too long before we mess up and are back on it. Santa has only ever had to give about 33 gifts in his entire life, and they were all to the same person. If only we could all be as nice as that one person.

~ George

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